byCheating in relationships is one of the commonest issues around the world today. There hasn’t been a time when divorce and breakup rates have risen as high as in recent times. In most cases, what causes these stems from infidelity and money problems. Meanwhile, it is written in the Bible that nobody is supposed to separate what God joins together in holy matrimony [(speaking of marriages); see Matthew 19:6]. So, God hates divorce. That implies He has made provisions to address cheating in relationships too.
What is cheating?
When you hear the word “cheat,” what comes to mind? It’s about deceiving, tricking and taking advantage of people. Right? So cheating in relationships and marriages refers to breaching your commitment to your partner with another person. However, this form of cheating can also refer to other things like work, attention or other things that claim a person’s allegiance to the extent that he denies his partner meaningful communication and intimacy. That means some people cheat on their spouses, not with people but with other things in life. Dear one, God doesn’t want your life to be like that.
Be content with your partner
Before I continue this section of the article, I will assume that a married person reading this is a Christian. Also, a bachelor or spinster reading this is in a godly relationship (However, you can read it whether you’re in a relationship or not for the sake of broadening your knowledge).
Since God wants every relationship and marriage under His watch to be devoid of infidelity, He expects that couples will be content with each other. In other words, they should learn how to live together, especially in marriage. Some people have lost their marriages not because there wasn’t love but because of bad attitudes.
When you get into a relationship with another godly person of the opposite sex, be content and work things out with the person. You’ll not know everything about that person before saying “yes” or “I do.” However, be analytical of the person’s character before accepting the proposal. When you are done, don’t look elsewhere. Yes, a breakup is more manageable than a divorce, but the emotional damage they have on people is similar. So, don’t use anybody’s heart for fun. If it’s dating, date well. Agree on your lives and bring God in to help you both. If it’s marriage, invest in yourself by reading excellent, godly marital materials to enrich your union. Don’t leave anything to chance. But what if the unexpected (cheating happens)?
Forgiveness is more beneficial than divorce or even breakup
In many cases, what sparks arguments and disagreements in relationships and marriage, including cheating, is solvable. Breakup or divorce is rarely the solution to such problems. But, what people do is they follow their hurt feelings and pain to file divorce cases and break up with their partners, only to regret it later in life. I once had to step into a case with someone who wanted to break up with his girlfriend because she was playing games with him. I tried to bring them together and foster forgiveness. But the guy was too furious to listen to me, so he broke up with her. The lady wept bitterly for months until she recovered. Even though both of them live separate lives today, the situation would have worsened if they had been married and had kids.
Let me tell you something: kids who grow up in broken homes usually end up joining bad gangs, mess up their lives with their indulgence in social vices and usually have relational problems with their parents, all because of one-sided parenting. God is with you if you are in that situation, so don’t lose hope. But you must accept the responsibility of putting in much work to raise the child(ren) well. It won’t be easy but look to God for help.
When you have a problem with another person, be it in marriage or a relationship, report the case to the church leadership first. Don’t make hiring a lawyer the first thing to do.
It is better for the church to judge your case than court systems
Paul once reprimanded some members of the Corinthian church who were sending their issues among themselves to court to judge them (see 1 Corinthians 6:1). When you have a problem with another person, be it in marriage or a relationship, report the case to the church leadership first. Don’t make hiring a lawyer the first thing to do because that is not Biblical. Send that cheating case to your spiritual head to judge it. That means you and your partner must let your church leadership (if no one, at least the senior pastor) know about the relationship. When you keep it secret, you’ll not know who to run to when a problem arises.
The church leadership will help both of you enforce scriptural principles in your relationship/marriage to settle your case. If it’s forgiveness, which the scripture recommends (see Colossians 3:13), it might be hard to do it alone. But once a pastor is involved, it makes it easier.
… Except for sexual immorality (see Matthew 19:9)
In Matthew 19:9, Jesus said that a person (man) can only divorce his wife except for sexual immorality (translated as both fornication and adultery). In those days, betrothal was seen as marriage without the consummation of sex. So, Jesus’ statement in that verse covered both cheating in pre-marital relationships and marriage. According to what Jesus said, a spouse has only one solid reason to ask for a divorce or breakup. That is sexual immorality. But even if one manages to forgive, God will still bring them back together. Mere misunderstandings and disagreements are not enough. Okay!
I suppose Jesus gave that exception as a protection of trust and prevention against the spread of venereal diseases. I mean, why should you keep staying with a spouse who has been unfaithful and contracted an STI like HIV/AIDS? Living with such person might end you up contracting that disease anytime you’re intimate with him? How long are you going to wear condoms? You may not be able to bear it. Even the memories can haunt you unless God heals and makes you forget them, which can be challenging but possible. But if the person didn’t contract any of such diseases or gets cured or healed and you can forgive, move on with your marriage. Relationships are complex. But dear one, take good care of yourself.
Also read: The Pain of Loving an Adulterous Spouse
